The Enquirer • April 2, 2009
Hey, Nick Lachey, we hear you're throwing out the first pitch Monday. Here's our list of 10 things to keep in mind when you take the mound:
1. Don’t watch old video of the mayor to get psyched up.
2. Don’t assume you can throw a baseball from point A to point B without any practice. Or knowing how to hold a baseball. Or having any working knowledge of concepts like physics or gravity.
3. Don’t throw the ball at Gapper. No matter how annoying he gets.
4. Don’t throw the ball at the new scoreboard. Have you heard how much that cost?
5. Don’t throw the ball anywhere near the dollar hot dog stand. It’ll be mobbed.
6. .Don’t forget: You’re throwing the first pitch, NOT singing the national anthem this time.
7. Don’t spend the previous four hours “touring” the Moerlein brewery.
8. Be mindful: MTV can’t make an entire reality show out of this kind of thing. Or can it?
9. Dress carefully. Mom jeans will hinder your throwing ability – and start rumors about unsightly weight gain.
10. Don’t get nervous about missing the catcher. It’s not like your throw will end up on YouTube 10 minutes or anything like that. Uh, wait, maybe you should be nervous.