Syfy debuted its boy band member-starring zombie Western Friday (April 1) and wow was there a lot happening.
It’s a “Magnificent 7” meets “Walking Dead” vehicle that manages to both take itself too seriously and not take itself seriously at all. But it was a lot of fun to watch our favorite ’90s boy band group members slaughter zombies — and be slaughtered themselves, because spoiler alert: No one makes it out alive.
Here’s the definitive ranking of the Backstreet Boys, NSync, O-Town and 98 Degrees hotties from “Dead 7.” It should also be noted that there were some kick-butt women in the movie — Carrie Keagan, Lauren Kitt-Carter and the insanely campy Debra Wilson — but none of them were tearin’ up our hearts with ’90s power ballads, so this is strictly for boy banders only.
Honorable Mention: Jon Secada
No, Jon Secada was not in a boy band, but he was the early-’90s heartthrob responsible for such hits as “Just Another Day” and “If You Go,” so shout-out to Sheriff Cooper, who turned into a zombie and had his head blown off by Jeff Timmons of 98 Degrees.
No. 6: Howie Dorough
This BSB member played sharpshooter Vaquero, who really wasn’t all that noteworthy. Plus, he died because he was bitten by a large brothel zombie, which is definitely the lamest death. Sorry, Howie.
No. 5: Chris Kirkpatrick
NSync’s countertenor did not get nearly as good of a part as bandmate Joey Fatone. Mayor Shelby wasn’t in a good chunk of the movie, but he does trump Vaquero because he had a great slow-motion death.
No. 4: Jeff Timmons
Billy came in hard and fast, seeming like the possible main hero of the group until Nick Carter’s Jack came along. But in a nice twist, Jack and Billy weren’t fighting over Daisy Jane (Keagan). Instead, they had their own little bromance going on. Billy died in Jack’s arms in what was definitely the sweetest moment of the whole movie.
No. 3: Nick Carter
Who knew Nick Carter could don all black, sport a six-shooter and totally become the sexiest gunslinger this side of the Mississippi? Not only did he get to kill off the psychotic Apocalypta (Wilson), but he also gave the movie its final scene, having to shoot himself after sustaining a zombie bite so he wouldn’t turn on his real-life wife, Kitt-Carter.
No. 2: Erik-Michael Estrada
The only O-Town member in the film definitely got some of the best fight scenes, as his character Komodo was like a cowboy ninja. He also got to kill off A.J. McLean’s Johnny Vermillion, Apocalypta’s right-hand man.
No. 1: Joey Fatone and A.J. McLean
Fatone and McLean owe Carter, who wrote “Dead 7,” a big thank you for casting them as the most ridiculous characters in the movie. Fatone’s Whiskey Joe was a delight and he got easily the grossest death scene of the movie, while McLean was absolutely insane as Vermillion. Well done, fellas.
If you missed it the first time around, “Dead 7” is re-airing Saturday, April 2 at 7 p.m. ET/PT on Syfy.
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